Choosing Love Over Fear

Love over fear

Although there were many happy times, I lived in fear for most of my life. Post a happy beginning to my childhood, from the age of about 9 to 21, my life was a constant game of fear, control, anxiety, self hate, sabotage, people pleasing and worry.

From the age of 21-23 I still swam around in fear, but I had woken up and was starting to make positive changes in my life.

23-25, I was making big changes and shifts and striving to choose love over fear in every moment.

Age 26, where I am now, is when it is really truly sunk in that we must keep choosing love over fear in every moment we possibly can.

First, that love must start with ourselves. We must be our own best friend. We must love ourselves, for all of ourselves, even if we have imperfections and shadows that still need transforming into love. We must love and accept ourselves for who we are now, warts and all. We are all work in progresses; love it all.

Then that love must continue with others and the world around you. You see the world is in a pickle and many of the reasons behind this, are decisions and actions made in fear and as a result of fear. In order for us to transform the world we must choose love and forgiveness. We must drop from a headspace and into a heart space.

How can we do that?

It is in your reaction. Like I said in this Instagram post, it is in our reactions. We cannot control everything that happens to us in our lives. But with what does happen in our lives, we can control our reaction. Do we want to react in peace and love? Or do we want to react with fear, hate and more negativity?

With the world the way it is right now, I ask you to explore the ways in which you can choose love today.

How can you love and accept yourself more?

How can you forgive yourself more?

How can you love and accept others more?

How can you forgive others more?

Can you complain less and have more gratitude?

Can you withhold self judgement and judgement of others?

Can you stop criticising yourself harshly and others harshly?

Where can you shine more love?

I know this can seem a bit simplistic given the state of current affairs. And what would a privileged Western girl know about real fear?

Well, I believe that we can’t have peace on our planet until we have peace in all of our homes, in all of our hearts, with each other and within our selves.

How can we expect people to forgive such massive horrors and atrocities if we can’t even forgive ourselves for our mistakes, forgive our friends and families for mistakes or really bloody love ourselves?

Think about that and think about where you can choose love over fear today.

I am not saying it is easy either, it takes constant work and moment to moment awareness and choice. Girlfrand over here can still get tied up in fear. I can still get defensive and let my temper rise and bite poor Johnny’s head off, I can still berate myself for not meeting a self set expectation, I can still make decisions out of fear. I am human. The difference is that I am committing to this work. I am committed to choosing love over fear. And the more and more I do it, the more and more I am able to choose love quicker. The more and more I choose love, the more I can re-correct my choice to love even if I have chosen fear moments previously. I know that if I can do this, you can do it too. I have swam in fear for a long, long time and I know that moment to moment choosing love over fear is the only way to move forward for us all to move forward.

Love or fear. We have the choice. Let’s choose love.

Do you find it hard to choose love sometimes? Do you feel like you could work on this too?

A Letter To My Body

Trust

Dear Body,

I want to apologise.

I am sorry. I am truly sorry for the way I have treated you in the past.

I am sorry for hating you.

I am sorry for hating your size and your shape.

I am sorry for thinking you were hideous to look at.

I am sorry for starving you.

I am sorry for stuffing you with food when you begged me to stop.

I am sorry for binging into you and purging out of you.

I am sorry for forcing you to exercise when you didn’t want to or have the strength to.

I am sorry for punishing you.

I am sorry for poisoning you over and over again with a ridiculous amount of alcohol.

I am sorry for that one time I nearly killed you with party drugs.

I am sorry for denying you of your needs.

I am sorry for believing that you were not worthy.

I am sorry.

I have changed now though and seen the error of my ways.

I commit to.

I commit to loving you hard.

I commit to serving your every need.

I commit to nourishing you with food that you guide me to eat that is best for us to thrive, without judging what it is.

I commit to moving you in a way that you guide me to, when you want me to, in a way that feels good.

I commit to listening to your signals of when things are not right and I commit to listening to what you want me to do to rectify things.

I commit to loving and accepting every part of you.

I commit to loving and accepting every part of you that changes over the course of this life.

I commit to giving you what you need to feel your best so we can live our purpose in this life.

I commit to not judging you.

I trust you body.

And I know that now you can trust me.

I thank you for always loving me when I all I did was hate you. I thank you for never giving up on me. I thank you for forgiving me like I have forgiven myself.

I am so grateful for everything you do for me, day in and day out. I am so grateful for the magical and incredible ways you work to keep us alive and thriving so we can go out and live our life and be of service.

You are amazing.

All my love,

Lauren

What would you say in a letter to your body?

What To Do Next? Nutrition, Career and Living a Heart-Centred Life

God-has-placed-on-your-heart

My Advanced Diploma in Nutritional Medicine completion date is coming up fast. Come December 2016, I will be a qualified Nutritionist (How FAST has that gone!?). With this coming up so soon, I have been thinking about what I want to do, who I want to serve and how do I use this qualification to serve best.

With this course coming to an end, there are many different avenues that can be taken for post study. In terms of extra nutrition study, here in Australia, to practice as an accredited nutritionist, you need to have at least an advanced diploma. Within a timeframe though, between 5-10 years, the government wants to raise this level to having a bachelor degree. This means, that at some point, I will need to do the bachelor bridging course, which is one extra year of study and clinic, to gain a bachelor degree in nutrition instead of an advanced diploma. Whether I do it straight away or not is something I need to decide… We don’t know our exact time frame of how much longer we will remain in Sydney and how many more years J will give to his job etc. Lots of things to decide…

So one of the main decisions I have to make is what I want to do and what extra study I should do next?

After I recovered from my eating disorder and sabotaging my poor little body, I became mad passionate about nutrition and how to learn to eat to nourish ourselves over hurting ourselves through deprivation, lack and restriction. Healthy living excited me and I loved nothing more than to create healthy recipes, help people feel better physically and do it all with love and not fear. I was so excited about healthy living, and it lit me up from my core.

As you all know, during this time, I became more and more fascinated and drawn to spirituality. (I know you may think, what does this have to do with nutrition!? Well stick with me, I have to talk about it as it fits into the journey). I questioned my Mum all about Christianity (she is Christian), I read a tonne of books and information on God, meta-physical stuff, chakras, spirit, angels, spirit guides, past lives, Buddhism, love, light and all the rest. I was hungry for the truth and I was hungry for knowing what faith and spirituality what was true for me. This part of my journey lead to me understanding the art of energetic medicine too, amongst my reading, and this is something I learn about more all the time and am incredibly fascinated by.

As well as this part of my journey developing, my passion for mental and emotional health developed too, as well as the mind-body connection in healing. I have experienced mental health issues with eating disorders, anxiety and panic attacks and I have recognised the physical effect this has had on my body. I have seen in myself the effect of healing the mind/energy in healing my body. I want to help support people through these things too, build emotional and mental resilience, and understand the mind-body connection.

Then recently, I realised that healthy food had become an idol to me. Trying to eat “perfectly” to solve outward issues came to light and I fully realised that balance and intuitively eating was the key. I want to help others to eat well and nourish themselves intuitively and make sure this doesn’t take up too much focus or time, so that they can get out and live their lives and purposes. I want to help people fall back in love with food, but still for that food not to be so much of a focus. Nourishing food for the body, mind and soul is only one piece of the wellbeing puzzle.

I am still very fascinated by evidence based, scientific nutrition and I am still very passionate about it. I also love to create recipes still and share what I have created. I am passionate about overcoming eating disorders and disordered eating. I am passionate about spirituality and energy healing. What I am saying is that I am more and more sure that I believe we need to have health in different aspects of our selves and lives; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. And that all of these parts are intricately connected.

So the question is… How do I mix it all…? Can I mix it all…? Can you be both science based and a bit what people might judge as, “woo woo” or “earthy”?

I think it comes down to… what do I want to do and how do I want to serve in this world? So here we go… ultimately… 

  • I want to help people not hate themselves.
  • I want to help people not be at war with themselves.
  • I want to help people to be at peace with who they are, with ALL that they are.
  • I want to help people be at peace with their bodies, love their bodies and look after their bodies so that they can go and express their truth in the world.
  • I want to help people to love themselves and be kind to themselves.
  • I want to help people to have the utmost self compassion and forgiveness.
  • I want to help people to not try and manipulate their bodies to be what they are not supposed to be.
  • I want to help people, women specifically, to avoid and recover from eating disorders and disordered eating.
  • I want to teach that we can have balance in our lives, that we can learn to nourish ourselves out of love and that we can listen intuitively to what our own body needs.
  • I want to help people ditch the diet mentality and listen to what foods their body feels best eating.
  • I want to help people find their own definition of healthy.
  • I want to help people fall back in love with food and realise it is not the enemy, but something to enjoy and something that nourishes us.
  • I want to help people realise that health isn’t just about what we eat or how much we exercise. It is so much more than this and includes our mental, emotional and spiritual health.
  • I want to help people return to love and know who they truly are.
  • I want to help people reach their potential and be the light they are meant to be in this world.
  • I want people to know its ok to be an imperfect, beautiful mess.
  • I want people to know that even with the struggle, it is there for us to grow through and to become stronger from it.
  • I want to help support people through the pains of anxiety, panic attacks and mental health issues.
  • I want people to understand the mind-body connection.
  • I want to help people feel well and vibrant.
  • I want to help people to follow their own guidance and what is right for them.
  • I want to help people understand that we are all one, that we are all love and light at our cores and that we are worthy beyond belief.

You see, I am just getting so ready to be who I am and live my purpose on this Earth. I am ready to be of service to all you lovely people out there. I am bored of trying to fit into a little box and squish down what I am so passionate about so that I “fit in”. I am done with worrying if people think my beliefs may be a bit “woo woo” or that I can be a bit of a modern day hippy as well as being scientific, evidence based Lozza K. I am done with judging myself.

So can I do it all? Can I be all I want to be and express? Can I be a nutritionist who loves evidence based and scientific nutrition, as well as intuitive eating, and guide women (and men) to food freedom and body love? Can I also be a someone who wants to guide women (and men) to freedom in who they are, live their truth and have self love, acceptance and compassion? (I focus on women, mainly because I understand these issues from a place of experiencing them as a woman). Can I maybe one day delve into the world of energetic healing if I feel called to? (I am actually a qualified Reiki practitioner, but I only do them on the J man so far!).

I think the answer is yes. If I want to live a true heart centred, soul centred life, then the answer is yes. I think however I am supposed to serve will evolve naturally and without me trying to control it all.

I think this is the beauty of it too. We are all in this together figuring out how we best serve in this world. We are all perfectly imperfect. We are all always growing and evolving. And, I believe we all go through things in our lives for a reason, to help others with the same things. I think the reason I am so passionate about all these things and I feel called to do this kinda work, is because I have been through it all myself. I have worked through many of those points I listed above and I am still working through some of them now… I know what it is like to hate yourself so much that you consciously or subconciously partake in self destructive behaviours. I know what it is like to think that that is the truth. But it is not, it really bloody isn’t. Love is the truth and love is the answer (I know it may sound twatty… Lauren 5-6 years ago would have laughed out loud if you told her she would be banging on about love so much. But it is TRUE).

So with that said, here is to living a heart and soul centred life, no matter what and how that is then expressed on the outside. I am going to follow my gut and guidance and create work that I feel is aligned to who I am and work that I believe serves the people who are meant to be served by me in the best way I can. I will let whatever extra study, courses and the direction I need to go in be what it is meant to be. So watch this space with what I do once this course finishes 🙂

You see, I think the people you are meant to help and serve, will always find you and be guided to you. It is no coincidence and what is meant to be will be. (There she goes again 😉 )

So with that all saiiddddd… we have to do what we are guided to do always. There are always going to have people who don’t agree with our message, or who don’t believe what we believe, and that is ok. We are all different, are all on different paths and we all have different beliefs. What we all have to do though, is do what is right by our own guidance and trust in, insert whatever you believe, even if other people don’t understand it or accept it. The only approval we need, is our own. As Mother Theresa once said, “for you see, in the end, it is between you and God”.

truth

So to my readers, thank you for being with me and thank you for reading my little roller coaster of life, as I figure out the way in which I will go and following how I have grown and evolved over the years. Ultimately, I have a big heart and I want to help be of service and help people return to love. I hope that what I share resonates with you and most of all, it all helps you in some way. If I can help even a few people in this world through expressing my truth, then I will be happy. Serias.

(Both images found on Pinterest).

Do you think I can mix all of those things? Have you struggled in following your guidance before? Have you ever felt like you had to do something because it was expected of you?